I know I haven't written in quite a long time. So much stuff has happened, and well online stuff kind of got pushed to the bottom of my list. So here's an entry, enjoy. ;)

It's funny how sometimes one discovers a personal growth completely by accident. I've taken up knitting on a knitting loom, I have about 24 inches knitted of what I hope will end up being a pashmina style shawl when I am done. I was sitting in my recliner earlier and I realised about half-way through a row that I had dropped a stitch. Rather than freaking out, getting angry with myself, and ripping the entire thing out and starting from scratch...I just kept going. On a knitting loom, it's really simple to pick a stitch back up on the next go round. That's exactly what I did.

There was a time in my life, not that long ago, that the afore mentioned tantrum would have been a given. I was taking a pass/fail, self paced, remedial math class in college. As long as we passed the tests with a D or above, it counted as a pass and a finished unit in the class. We had three chances to take each test. If I got less than a 100% on the test, I would take it over until I got that 100%...even though it was not necessary. But today, I just suddenly realised that sometimes it's okay to just accept life's little imperfections and move on. This feels like a major breakthrough to me. I don't know if it really is, but I'm taking it as one...and moving on! ;)

So...I'm going to go back to my knitting and do a bit more before I head to bed...and every time I see that little spot where I dropped that stitch, I'm going to remember the day I grew up a little, relaxed a little, and came just a little closer to being the person I really want to be.

location: home I feel: accomplished I hear: Delilah eating breakfast.

It was my idea to move to Denver, and completely change my life. So, why am I stressed about it? I'm not packing my things, because I am physically unable to. Everything has been arranged already, by me. Phone is being hooked up, DSL line is being transferred, I ordered cable, I put the electricity in my name. I have a list of things that need to be bought. What the hell is my problem?!

I think it's because this will be the first time I've lived away from my parents. Yes, I'm 32 years old and finally moving away from my parents. I have not lived in the same house as them for 7 years...but they live close to me.

I'm scared. Maybe because I'm disabled, and for the first time in my life I won't be able to call my mother and have her at my house in 20 minutes or less. If I have to call 911 because my heart rhythm is wonky, or I fall, or I suddenly can't walk because of my MS...she's not going to be able to meet the ambulance at the ER. She'll either have to make an over 6 hour drive or get on an airplane to get to me. I'm scared.

I'm also scared that I won't be able to do this, and I am going to end up coming back here with my tail between my legs, and have to hear about it for the rest of my life. Some of my family members can be a little on the abusive side. Sometimes I'm not sure they realise they are being abusive. And sometimes I think they get some sort of sadistic pleasure out of it. I'll never really know the answer to that. I probably don't want to know.

At least I got to have some "retail" therapy today. I got a new skirt and a pair of earrings for less than $10! I'm happy! ;)

I think my major lack of sleep is catching up to me. I'm going to try to catch a nap before my friend Jarrod comes over!

location: in my second bedroom/office I feel: confused I hear: swamp cooler, ceiling fan, wind tags: moving, stress

This is just a test post, so I can see how things look.

Stay tuned for more...

location: home I feel: geeky I hear: nothing tags: first